last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
