Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
