i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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