did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
