you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
