Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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