Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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