He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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