I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
