So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
