She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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