I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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