Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
