Need sex. Gaining weight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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