i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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