You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
