so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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