His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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