ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
