Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
