I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
