3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
