:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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