i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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