I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
