Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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