You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
