Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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