just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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