Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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