i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Randomize
