I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
