Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
