I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize