I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
