Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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