I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
