If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Randomize
