i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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