Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
