I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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