Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
