There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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