I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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