My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
