Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
