So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
