I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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