Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
