I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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