you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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