I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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