he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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