She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
