if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
