New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
