it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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