my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize