The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
