dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I looked at my own cervix.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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