So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please come you make the beer taste better
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
