I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
