and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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