I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
