So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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