just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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