Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
