My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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