He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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