Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
