I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
