This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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