Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize