Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
