i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
