Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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