dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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