I wish life had little blips of pornography
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
