You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
